Please critique my short story? (10 points for most helpful critique)?

Awesome. Really. I think this is something i would read. There's one mistake on the fifteenth line down, "Give it to or I'll take it away." I think the key word is "me" placed between the to and the or. Also I think that the protagonist yelling, "Freedom!" after her escape is a bit clich�, but overall the story's pretty good. I advice you to keep writing. Love ya:-)